Crossing the Pond
CROSSING THE POND
Associated Press
Tue August 6 2013
If the controversial signing of 2013 Koh Smythe winner Cam Green by Team USA didn't bring enough of a shock to the post-Can/Am summer months, get ready for a real doozy. Team Canada did one better.
Or so says one of their management staff.
Speaking on the condition of anonymity because no statement was authorized, the Canadian source confirmed that the loss of Green was significant.
"He was this year's MVP! Considering the amount of years on his body, he sill runs, shoots, and scores like an All-Star. When we heard we lost Green to the Yanks, the team took a collective hit."
It didn't take long for CDN to rebound, however.
In a surprise move, former Team USA star forward Jim Kirk has opted out of his contract with Team USA to join Team Canada, "effective immediately continual with the occurrence of the next subsequent international SSH event". Considering the only current international SSH event is the annual Can/Am Cup, this means Captain Kirk himself will be wearing the Red and White come June 2014.
According to the source, Team Canada had been looking for a younger, faster, more natural winger to replace their former sniper Green.
"Losing Cam (Green) took a toll. With that said, his best playing years could be behind him, so when the younger, faster Jim Kirk contacted us, we were all ears."
Jim hasn't returned calls to comment thus far, and that is certainly his right as a private individual. But reports from Camp Kirk sure suggest Jim's excitement at leaving 7-time-Loser Team USA as soon as he was able. Sources say, ever since being snubbed by USA captain BennyD and dropped from the Team USA roster this past June due to a controversial "geography-based inconsistence", Jim was looking for something new. And his second cousin's mother's uncle's grandfather being a sergeant in the Canadian RCMP under Woodrow Wilson essentially sealed the deal for him.
A call to the Commissioner's office confirmed the ruling: Article 37b of the SSH collective bargaining agreement subsection 12 states a Team USA player may choose to switch National teams if they 1) have Canadian ancestors or know where Canada is and 2) Have a good sense of humor. Or rather, humour.
However this duo of signings ends up, one thing is for sure: Can/Am 2014 will be one for the ages.
Views: 157
Comment
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Comment by Cam Green on August 9, 2013 at 3:02pm
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Shit, I'll be out of town. Jim's second cousin's Mom tracked me down on Facebook. The camera crew might come in handier there, as would the bag of pucks.
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Comment by Associated Press on August 9, 2013 at 2:31pm
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AP will be there with a camera crew to record the events.
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Comment by Jim Kirk on August 9, 2013 at 2:06pm
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man, we're going to have a lot to settle out there tomorrow. i'll bring the bag of pucks...
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Jim, I think Cory just called you a bag of pucks...
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Comment by Cory on August 9, 2013 at 11:41am
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still waiting for our bag of pucks from the Cam Green trade
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Jim, best of luck as you join Team Canada (you may need it to crack their "top" line). By the way, in an unbelievable coincidence, I think I slept with your second cousin's mother in college. If memory serves, like you, she was a lot faster (and younger) than me, too.
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Comment by vp on August 7, 2013 at 11:46am
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Team Canada would like to welcome Jim to the family and wish Cam the best. Total class act, always first in on the blacktop, last out. He volunteered countless hours at the local shelter/hospital, etc. His presence in the locker room will be missed.
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Why is it not surprising that an American hockey 'player' doesn't catch the reference to pond hockey.
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Comment by benny d on August 7, 2013 at 9:08am
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Jim's playing in England? I'm confused, what pond is he crossing exactly? I thought Americans were the ones with bad geography skills... this makes me think there's something fishy goin on!
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